I’ve got to say, there is a part of me that secretly hopes for adversity to come at me just so I can make it through with some profound new wisdom and experience.
I also like when I am taught that I am not as good as what I thought I was – this is great check for when my ego gets out of hand. We can all be egotistical and ruthless, at times. If you are a human, then you are capable of many things both good and evil.
During my early 20’s, I realised that I had a knack for forming and managing relationships with all different types of people. I was told my communication skills were great, and so I formed the belief that I had a naturally high level of emotional intelligence.
Recently, I sat a short test designed by a team of behavioral psychologists that was intended to give you a rough measurement of your emotional intelligence quotient.
I received the results back and to my surprise, I did not score as high as what I thought I would. I later learned that this is because there are many more components to emotional intelligence than how self aware you are and how well you can manage relationships.
I later learned that emotional intelligence had to do with self management, also. How well can you manage your emotions in the heat of a situation where you are vulnerable to having your buttons pushed?
I have had trouble managing my emotions in many situations. I’ve done many things that were out of order, due to my lack of self management. A great technique I have learned recently is that when you can become of aware of the fact that you are about to act out on your emotions, focus the mind on counting to 10 with each new breath.
The emotions flow through the limbic system of the brain and when your emotions are running hot, your limbic system starts to overheat. To give it some air and cool it down, counting to ten gets the conscious mind, or the neocortex involved to do some of the work to take strain off the limbic system.
After you have counted to 10 with each breath, you have regulated your emotions i a way where by you get to take more control over how you want to respond in a certain situation.
For example, you are having an argument with a friend or a co-worker or even a partner. Instead of entering into those same patterns of emotional response, focus on counting to 10 with 10 deep breaths, give the limbic system (emotional) part of your brain some cooling off and then let your conscious mind choose how you would like to respond to the situation, based off your own logic and reasoning.