I awoke from my afternoon nap yesterday in a haze. The hot weather is starting to wear me down like you wouldn’t believe.

I was hungry and I was experiencing one of the most intense sugar cravings. They were so intense, I decided to walk down the road to the local markets looking for some mangos to fulfil my desires.

It was there where I spotted Grandmama. She can’t speak a lick of English, but she looked at me as if to ask, “what the hell are you doing here”?

In my half sleepy starving state, I pointed to the mangos at a stand as a gesture to say, “I desperately need sugar and so I’ve come in search of these”.

She looked at me and said, “mango?”, with her eyes now wide open. Suddenly, she piped up and began to shout out me.

I couldn’t understand what she was saying, but she kept pointing back at the house. In that moment, I assumed she was telling me off for coming to the shops to buy mango when there was an abundance of mango trees in her own backyard. It reminded me of my own grandmother every time I would reject an ethnic meal she made for me so that I could get my hands on some McDonald’s.

She sent me off just like the referees do when they are fed up with a players behaviour. I walked back home mangoless, but Grandmama compensated by cutting me a whole plate full later that afternoon.

Never fuck with a grandmother when it comes to food. This is a universal law.